Staying in the stillness.

Gilbert Granger Jr. flashing a Peace Sign

I had been working mentally on a blog about “Stillness” the qualities of peaceful people and music. The word Metastasis had been on my mind as I am helping my friend though pancreatic cancer and learning the lexicon of the diseases. It comes from the Greek words Meta and Stasis which essentially means “Beyond Stillness” which just blew my mind. See I was remembering how when I worked in the office my dad’s construction company my older brother Junie would come in and say he liked it when I was there because it always felt so peaceful. Later when I worked at a university drug treatment center people would congregate in my little office mostly for the coffee but also because, as they would say, they got a contact high off my presence. I, of course, don’t take credit for this but have always known of my calming effect on people. It transfers to my music

as well so I am glad, after years and years of suffering for my art it now suffers me and lets me earn a meager living.

I bring up my brother Junie because today, December 2, 2010 he passed away at a hospital in Lubbock, TX after an illness. I had made plans to visit him this weekend in fact. I even called him last night to talk to him but he wasn’t feeling well enough to talk. My mother called me this afternoon and said he had died. The sadness that hit me was deep, not for myself but for him, my older brother, my “Big” brother Junie, Junebug et al. His name is Gilbert Granger Jr. He was a 1980 graduate of Hobbs High School where he excelled in Gymnastics and sports. I blame him for my musical career in many ways. At Houston Jr. High he was a star on the track team and on two undefeated football teams. By the time I got to Jr. High I went out for sports only to find out I was the absolute slowest person on the track team so became the manager.  I had always been musically inclined and got paid for weddings as a singer for years, but this time I chose to join band instead of pursuing sports. My instrument was the drums and the rest is history so to speak.

Junie was a gifted musician, a natural talent on the piano and singing. On childhood vacations he and I sang “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” as a duet to entertain the family. Junie loved the Beatles and music in general. He would bang out Hey Jude, Yesterday and Let it Be on the piano at home and would go to sleep to the radio blaring and wouldn’t dream of taking a shower without music blasting and him singing along. He was my protector from the older students jealous of my musical gifts—the ones who sabotaged my music, instruments and performances throughout High School. A fighter who took no flak from anyone he also boxed as a teen with success. But it is his gentleness I remember. We shared a bed growing up as boys. To help each other sleep we would scratch each other’s back. We developed an entire modality of scratches from the “Angel Scratch” to the “Devil Scratch” all the while our tender, brotherly innocence helped against the ghosts and shades that haunted our home and the unhappy marriage of our parents.

Junie was a father, husband, son, cousin, brother and friend to many people and I remember his high school friends well. I looked up to him and my other brother Stanley. Junie loved music and I am grateful he exposed me to such a diversity of bands like Kiss, Led Zeppelin, Neil Young and many others. In the past two years or so I’ve lost a handful of relatives to the consequences of addiction whether it is drugs, alcohol or cigarettes. Junie battled his addiction demons and I’ve battled mine as well so can empathize. It really all comes back to finding the stillness within and latching onto it like a lifeboat in a stormy sea.

We will miss you Junebug.  

Gilbert Granger Jr.—1962-2010

  

Randy

Measuring the notes in a life's song

“In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.”
Abraham Lincoln 

As musicians we read music by notions of key, tempo, time signature, volume etc., and units called measures. In rehearsal we’ll say, “Let’s begin at measure 30 and take it to the coda,” and we understand each other. When you hear a song performed or in a recording it began as notes fit into measures to create a song with a beginning and end. Playing through the rests or breaths between those notes is the key to becoming a musician people want to hear, lean forward to listen to and stay with an entire song. But like the Lincoln quote above says it’s the life “in” your years given that counts. This sober reality is so much on my heart as I sat with my friend, my partner and collaborator Wayne Crawford in a Houston, TX cancer center as the words left the Dr’s mouth that he has inoperable, stage four pancreatic cancer and would be lucky to live a certain number of months. How the hell do you respond to that?

Sitting with him in his first round of chemotherapy other day he asked what I was writing. I told him it was a blog tying the metaphor of the measures in music and a terminal prognosis—another measure. “Don’t worry I won’t mention you by name,” I said, wanting to respect his privacy always. He said, “No it’s okay. You can use say it’s me, the people in my life closest to me already know, so might as well.” Wayne is an amazingly creative, intelligent and generous person who taught high school and college for decades in Illinois and his students still write to him telling him what an influence he was in their life. One student is a Pulitzer Prize winning photo journalist; another is a major, gifted and successful Cellist and so many others who his time and passion made a mark on. He is, unarguably, a driving force in the writing and poetry community of Las Cruces, NM. He ran and organized successful open mics at Stonehaven, The Bean, The Rio Grande Theatre. Organized tens and tens of poetry readings, events, contests. Is on the Executive Board of the Dona Ana Arts Council, editor of Sin Fronteras Journal, creator and editor of the hugely successful Lunarosity online poetry and prose journal, runs a very important literary arts listserv, is well known throughout the state as an innovative and expressive poet with literally hundreds and hundreds of published pieces in some very prestigious journals. For me where his influence has been so important is the bridging of generations as far as poetry is concerned. He regularly would read at the NMSU Open Room readings amidst the hip-hop and slam spoken word always inviting the students to come to the open mics. At first they were reluctant, but he made them feel so welcome and supported and said, hell yeah you can use profanity, if it is important to the poem why the hell not? We have hosted student readings in our west Las Cruces homes and numerous receptions filled with laughter, drink and amazing food. Living with Wayne has been like living with a teenager though. He loves loves loves music of all genres and periods. He would BLAST his music and have concerts where he would sing along to printed out lyrics by Green Day, Blind Pilot, the Beatles (his favorite) and even Snoop Dog. I learned to take long walks by the Rio Grande when he is cleaning up being the very quiet person I am. Wayne was a music critic for the Chicago Tribune early on and the people he interviewed met and heard live just blows me away. That he loves my music meant something special. When I finally turned him on the iPod so began a new stage of experimental playlists…..

We have lived together for over eight years and have been together through some events like unexpected paralysis after a terrible neck surgery, a heart bypass and a stroke, and the terribly sad deaths of our two Greyhounds. I am a born caregiver if there ever was one with the patience even a saint would be jealous of. So today as I’m mopping the sweat of pain from him and feeding him applesauce I know no awards, nominations or recognition is as meaningful as the honor of caring, unconditionally for another being. I went through it with my Dad, my dogs and my ex’s Dad. I have had to cancel gigs, cut my expenses to nothing, live on sheer stubbornness and delay promoting my music—to the delight of my enemies. (Oh yes, I have them) That is okay. You know when you hear God’s Whispers and I always have. I’ll be back, with even more compassion, more depth, more feeling and music with so much feeling as to be living. Going through the terminal illness of a loved one especially makes you intolerable of bullshit—not that I needed any help in that area of course; so I ask if you are going to comment on this blog have the balls to do so publicly. I get so many emails from people who “privately” like my stuff on facebook, my blog, my music etc., but unless you support me publicly I delete them. Sorry but when you get 400 emails a day like I do you have to be picky. A friend asked me recently what I would do If had a terminal diagnosis; would I choose treatment or not? I said without skipping a beat that I would give my gear away and have a party. Having no health insurance or savings (as so so many working musicians and artists do) I wouldn’t really have a choice.

Wayne will, hopefully, be around for a while by the benefit of chemo and all the love and prayers he gets from people. He is in too much pain to read his emails most weeks but you can find him through his website: www.zianet.com/lunarosity Please don’t send messages to me because I am honestly more busy than can be imagined trying to make him comfortable and still keep my head above water financially.

This Monday I will play at the Mesilla Valley Hospice’s annual “Light of Our Lives.” It is when people who have had loved ones in Hospice the previous year pay a collective tribute with pictures, momentos and candles during a ceremony with words from many faiths and me on Native American flute. I first played at one of these about 7 years ago which led me to volunteer my music for 6 years before I got too busy on the road. Many of my friends have gone through Hospice so it is an honor to return the favor.

This is a video from my album The Roswell Incident a Hugely popular album. Wayne wrote this poem which I based the song around. We had such a blast recording both the song and the video. Wayne also co-wrote and read on the title song of my new album “Pura Vida”

Enjoy.

DANCING AT THE TOTEM

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Healing the musician.

There is no gig like a sit-down concert where the audience is attentive, with you and not distracted by the sounds from another stage, a festival P.A. system or crazy local radio remote blasting hip-hop a few yards away. Not that those aren’t fun and necessary but I find I rise to the occasion and feel the audience notices and appreciates it. Last Sunday I performed one of those types of concerts in a beautiful church with an enormous wooden, vaulted ceiling, incredible stained glass light pouring through, a nice stage and comfortable benches for the people there. I didn’t even need to use any effects like reverb because the sound was so luscious. The church was St. Paul’s United Methodist here in Las Cruces, NM where I live. They have had a wonderful and diverse afternoon concert series for many years with some very well known musicians come through. I have attended many myself.

As the audience came in I saw familiar faces, both friends and people who follow me. I was so grateful. I hadn’t slept more than an hour the night before having been under much stress. The person I live with is in Houston dealing with Cancer and I couldn’t be there to help due to work. So I drank a couple of pots of coffee and even ate a chocolate donut, something I never do, to try and wake up some. The music director had printed out a program of my songs and I was glad because I left my set list at home being as distracted as I was. As a musician you really can’t ever assume just because it is a local gig that people will show up. All sorts of things happen in lives and people forget. I played my best and was only focused on this moment. Between my first and seconds songs there began a low-frequency hum in the P.A. The sound guy tried to fix it and somehow, even when I wasn’t playing the main house speakers blew out. I know right? An acoustic, Native Flute and Hang player blows out the speakers—oh yeah I rock!

Trail of Tears- Painting by Robert Lindneux 

I kid, but it was a little unnerving and we relied on the choir loft speakers which were behind me. I did my best to speak loudly in my story telling and play a little more assertively. I soon regained my composure and focused. When the audience is with you feel responsible for the energy and pace of the music. Looking at the faces I knew they were engaged, even leaning in when I was talking. I was inspired and so happy to have this kind of audience. By the time I got to my Americana Medley of Wayfaring Stranger, Amazing Grace and Shenandoah I knew I had to reward them by digging deep. I told the story of how Amazing Grace became the unofficial song of the Cherokee because on the “Trail of Tears” or "Nunna daul Tsuny" repatriation by the U.S. military when a tribal member would die they weren’t allowed to stop and bury them. And many, many did die along the way. So the Cherokee would sing Amazing Grace, a song they learned from Missionaries, in their own language though as a way to mourn and pay respect.

As I transitioned from Wayfaring Stranger into Amazing Grace the Copper roof of the church started snapping and popping loudly. I looked out and no one made a motion. Many had their eyes closed and others were leaning forward. I played Oh Shenandoah on the flute and put it by my heart and sang three A Cappella verses of Across the Wide Missouri. I had my eyes closed but could hear whimpering and sniffling. When I looked out there wasn’t a person not wiping their eyes and pulling out Kleenex. There was a deep silence then an applause that lasted five minutes as I just bowed and mouthed “thank you.” It took me by surprise. I was much moved.

I finished my set and told them how when I travel I tell people about Las Cruces, our little community on the Rio Grande River and the level of artists, poets, writers and musicians who live here because we like our quality of life. After my last song the applause was so warm and everyone rose to their feet in ovation. I was again floored and probably looked like a deer in headlights, but stood there in gratitude. Afterwards I stayed forty minutes singing CD’s, listening to stories, networking, and answering questions. There were people there from North Carolina, Iowa, Canada and many other places who just happened to be in town and bought many CD’s to give out as gifts. I was exhausted but feeling really content that I worked, it worked that day. It reminded me to never underestimate and always respect the power of music to transcend, to move listeners and to sometimes even heal the musician. This Sunday is a return concert to the Hillsboro Community Center in the low hills of the Gila Wilderness. This is another sit-down concert and I am hoping to again bring my A Game and make people feel something good. Check my website calendar for details: RandyGranger.net

Here is the video treatment of Across the Wide Missouri or Oh Shenandoah. Enjoy

Till next time

Randy